Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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