Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
