Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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