shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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