Porn is love you can see.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
