He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
