I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
