Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
