I can tuck mytits in my pants
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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