i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
