look no pants
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
