How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm like, not good at living.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
