This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
