thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
