Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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