I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
