that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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