Umm I'm too high to move.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
