based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
