I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
