lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
