Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
