Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She told me I should be a condom model.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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