Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
