This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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