Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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