happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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