I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
