How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
