so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
