my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
