trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
