I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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