Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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