Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
