I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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