He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
