it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
smell my finger.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
