Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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