her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
