My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
