The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
