I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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