non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize