Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
