So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
