yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
