sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My pussy is not your playground.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
