I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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