You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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