I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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