I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
